Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
by John Gray
This heavily sexist guide to harmonious coexistence personifies
the separatist thinking of the socialization of men and women in the
U. S. culture. The author describes a kind of resignation men and women
must face to love and live with each other.
Nowhere in his books does he explain why men and women are so different,
just that they are. Even though he alludes to the possibility, for
fear of actually appearing to be truly sexist, he is afraid of actually
coming out and stating his belief that humans are different because
of bio-chemistry or physical traits.
It was after the first two chapters when I became so frustrated at
his deviation form acknowledging that humans are being socialized into
being different. There simply appears to be no indication in any of
his writings that, what humans have done to themselves is to create
this life long unfamiliarity between the sexes.
The book pushes total adherence to the orthodox view of segregated
reasoning. The author tends toward submission rather than enhancement.
Instead of addressing the maladies that creates these differences, he
exemplifies these disparities in such a way that it seems as if it is
goodness and happiness, when in reality it is ultimately a significant
sacrifice and drudgery for both to come together. He calls upon gallantry
in men and diligence in women to understand the other’s predicament.
But, he does not invite the other to investigate and adopt the positive
characteristics and temperaments of the opposite, i.e. men feeling and
women thinking logically.
The book is a simplified non-cerebral description of these differences
hence deficiencies. I feel that the author must believe that his audience
is the average non-intellectual middle class American with 2.5 kids
on the verge of divorce. It must be noted that he has sold millions
of his books.
Simply put, to compromise who we are is to give up the value of what
we are.
Some of the points about the book are:
- The sharing of problems is the dividing issue in the scheme of
differences. He describes that stressed men hide and solve or forget
problems, while beleaguered women just talk endlessly about them
and never reach a conclusion. Problem solving vs. a mantra.
- Men are needed and women are cherished. Responsibility and supported
vs. Trust and compassion.
- Men are providers and women are needy.
- Men are self centered and reclusive, and women feel abandonment.
- Men fear failure, women give to a fault.
- Men need to prove themselves, women criticize or solicits advice.
- And…so on…
J June 1998
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