Copious Cursory Conversation

It is supposed that one should live harmoniously in the society they are a part of. 

One of the proclamations of this societal coexistence insists that one be conversant with its various members.   But, I have noticed a problem with this imperative.  There seems to be some kind of protocol or tradition surrounding conversations.  These dialogs are, for the most part, superficially inconsequential. 

I myself am an internally driven idea oriented individual.  This means I look at topics or subjects of discussion in relationship to other learned experiences.  I unconsciously use this hierarchical model to determine the premise or reason for a theory or idea.  These discussions can include feelings, objects, actions, or motivations.  This is a built-in function within myself and comes naturally.  My memory works best when I have a frame of reference to build a relationship between various subjects.  Without this forum, I have nothing to relate events or details to and as such, I forget discussed points, become disoriented, and quickly loose interest.

I am not limited in topics of conversation.  I seem to know something about most things and can conceptually understand the ideas most people desire to discuss.  I can use this ability in tandem with my capacity to visualize an abstract representation in my mind.  My fertile imagination and my sensate aptitude allow me to be spherically aware. 

But, what I do tire of is this seemingly endless barrage of meaningless pointless conversations.  Most who don’t know me, start into this form of communication and then quickly become aware that I am not responding in a “normal” manner.  Then there are others who are not aware of my non-responsiveness and continue to converse with me.    

It is unfortunate, but it seems that most have a less complex view and awareness of the ambiance of their existence.  They aspire for lucidity in a culture of pleasure, tourism, commercialism, narcissism, conformity, and complacent acceptance.  It appears they have instilled in themselves, a necessity to see fewer opportunities in their minds and as such, have a less autonomous prospective as to what they need and want to do. 

It must appear to them that my perspective is limited because of my lack of participation in their forums of discussion.  Yet to me, I strive to venture into the realm of discovery, creativity, and insight. 

In my difficulties also include involvement with a person of the opposite gender, I find it is the other person’s aggravation with me that I have come to know.  Forgetting that conversation is an interactive activity, they seem to be unaware that, in my quietness, I am not paying full attention to their one sided dialog until long after they started.  Upon the discovery of this, they are embarrassed and hurt by my lack of focus on the ever-changing incidental topics.

But, when they are in the presence of others, together they flash by numerous topics with hyper-like obviously-feigned enthusiasm.  But, when I interrupt by ask what seems to them as poignant questions, they respond with a look of puzzlement, indigence, or violation.  Recovering from this, they continue on this seemingly addictive collage of topics.  It is my perception that most people need this to be acceptable or stay connected in some strange way. 

It seems as if I am belittling others, but I am not.  Instead, I am disclosing one of my own shortcomings, this being the inability to coexist amicably and congenially, and be conversant with others.   I guess I have little perseverance when it comes to discussions of copious cursory topics of conversation. 

Anonimious. June 1998