The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Human Marriage
Chapter 9806: of Section 281-50

There once was a Renaissance man named Eric who could seem to never marry. By this we mean, he never could find a suitable mate to even cohabitate with, or as they called it then, have a living together arrangement. He read every book he could find on the subject of finding suitable mates and getting married, went to every singles function, attended outings, knew the interior of every bar and pub, crashed or was invited to parties, tried to meet girls in grocery stores, and anything else he could think of. This of course included Cyber dating, or as they called it, Internet Singles. Still he had no luck.

It is at this point in our story where we must explain that our hero Eric is not the typical male. He was brought up by a mother who was heavily dominated by her husband, this of course being Eric’s father. To revolt against her oppression, she aspired to teach her children not to be in dominant or recessive roles. Her daughters were taught that no man is better than any woman. And she made it clear to her sons the evils of domination.

Now even though his father was extremely dictatorial, Eric came to believe that all people are equal and as such, treated his dates accordingly. But to his dismay, his dates felt there was something wrong with him and eventually left him.

Eric wondered what was wrong with himself. He did follow the teachings of his mother. But still he was cast aside for more egotistical male figures, or as they called them at the time, “macho men.”

It must be noted that the women who dated Eric did eventually marry and later divorced their husbands, some of them even several times.

Yes, Eric could have married his first love if she would have allowed it. He would have most certainly been divorced and paying child support for several children. This would not be good, for he would have never developed the life, the philosophical, and artistic passions he had. This woman did marry and like so many others eventually got divorced.

He could have married one of the women who felt inferior to him. This also would have been bad. They would have become listless due to the lack of leadership on his part and divorced him anyway. He himself could have become a dominating ogre. But this went contrary to all of the teachings he received as a child.

Of course, most women of the time felt the man in their relationship should be gallant and devote their lives to them. This required near enslavement and brought out the other’s demonic qualities.

No, he felt he didn’t fit into these women’s lives, when in reality, they did not fit into his. This was sad, for them anyway, for he had quite a life. It would have been the envy of most if they only knew about it.

He worked 7 and ½ hours a day, 5 days a week at an unusually no-stress job that was fulfilling. And yes, he made a fairly good salary doing it. He had no boss, could create his own work, and had 4 weeks of paid vacation per year. This was rare and was really good. For at that time, the average person worked 8 to 10 hours a day and was, for the most part, unsatisfied with their jobs as well as their lives.

He had a house that allowed him the freedom to build just about anything, entertain people, have overnight guests, and be extraordinarily comfortable. This is what many people of the time felt they desired but few actually had. How much better can it get?

He planned his life to minimize the necessity to work and give him ample free time to pursue other interests. Can it get any better? Yes, he thought it should be. He desired to mate with and marry just one person.

According to this holy doctrine they called the bible, this was necessary for many reasons including squelching or satisfying lust and desire. This of course we now know is an inherent drive for human men and women to procreate.

Our hero sublimated his desires for affection and love by having short-lived relationships and mating with many women in his lifetime. This did keep him sane and acclimated to women. But in the minds of these women he dated, this was not good. For they wanted attachment and fulfillment of their expectations, most of which neither he or they could fulfill.

It is now known that significant numbers of men and women married with expectations that far exceeded their own abilities to fulfill. The symptoms of this were their overworked spouses would become frustrated and leave them in brutal hate-filled divorces.

It is at this point it must be noted that all of the women our hero dated found another person to be with, eventually married, and then divorced.

Eric on the other hand, kept his life intact. He never had to start over or hate his lover. And this after all might have been good too.

He just needed to marry someone with whom he had the important life issues in common. Simply put, Eric needed to meet a Renaissance woman, a woman with which he and she could fit together in each other’s lives. And, what a life it would have been.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Human Marriage  By T. Pluribus Uno of #78 West Wing - 3rd Floor - #10 Mercedes Street - Lafayette, Indiana - Planet Earth - Sector 0.0.0 - Alpha Quadrant - Milky Way Galaxy...