The 38 Principles

These time-tested principles are literally for all intelligent people desiring a good life while in a functional marriage.

I use this collection of principals to live life by. I also hope at least one other female person would feel similarly.

1. We are able to hold an intelligent conversation with each other. We can discuss ideas in depth, take them to their root or base cause, and ascertain the premise of these ideas or principles. Superficial shallow meaningless trivial conversation builds walls and keeps us from knowing each other.

2. We are able to stimulate new ideas with each other. We have an active imagination and a lively curiosity about life. We can conceptualize ideas and convey them clearly, and we can dream with each other.

3. We are idea oriented (not event oriented). Ideas are the components of great thought. We discuss past, present, and future events, if the discussion leads to the conceptualization or conveyance of ideas, a better understanding of each other, or the conveyance of our feelings.

4. We have an enthusiasm about life separately and together. We both know that God exists and we live the way God intended for us to live. We know that there is good and evil and that good must triumph over evil. We know that life has a purpose and that our being here also has a purpose. We know there is so many things to discover, do, make, build, see, have, and enjoy in life.

5. We focus our attention on the here and now. We believe that this is the only life we have and we treat it as such.

6. We involve our selves in major and minor projects together and separately, which can be scientific, literary, or artistic endeavors, spiritual growth, political awareness, business ventures, or mental and physical health. There is always something constructive to do.

7. We have, not necessarily the same interests, but our own that we can share and do not conflict with each other’s interests and values such as our avocations, our vocations, the political viewpoints we have, and our passions in life.

8. We have similar preferences in:
Living Space - The place we live is important to us in that it is a space we have made comfortable and have added character and distinction to it. Though ultimately we may not stay here, we have chosen this place with the idea of spending the rest of our lives in it.
Music - We enjoy positive, passionate, thought provoking, non-minimalist, in depth music of character and quality
Sports - We enjoy recreational activities like swimming, walking, and bicycling; but, we are not obsessed with spectator sports.
Food - We eat healthy foods. But, we are not extremists about all the supposed poisons there are in the world. We also do not eat food for entertainment.
Travel - We like to visit interesting places, but we are not driven to go somewhere just to say we went there, nor do we believe that “to be someone special, one must be well traveled."
Possessions. - The things we own we use as tools to make life comfortable and to help us live a good life. We don’t own anything just to “appease our vanity.”

9. We have similar depths of understanding about life. This understanding comes from our experiences we have had and our willingness to explore the different aspects of life it self.

10. We have similar values in life such as:
People - We have close time tested friends, we understand the role of our extended families, and we have developed an understanding of the people that we are acquainted with.
Causes - We understand that education is the conveyance of ideas, i.e., there are two ways of fighting for a cause, force, or education.
Beliefs - Our beliefs are time-tested, and well thought out.
Philanthropy - There are those among us who need a charitable helping hand. Believing that the role of government is to do this is against human principles and is shirking our responsibility as citizens.
Equality - We know that we are capable of the same human thoughts, ideas, concepts, and feelings, and do not rely on the other to fulfill a need born out of sexist ideologies, rather to be giving from our strengths and accepting of our weaknesses regardless of our physical sex.

11. We have developed similar senses of humor. We have the trust in each other, the confidence in our selves, and the love for our selves and each other to allow us to be amused at the truly funny things in life. Amusement does not involve hurting each other, other people, or things. This humor is not used to bolster our own egos.

12. We have a trusting for each other. We have the discipline to respect the other person’s privacy and do not to cross into the other person’s personal space. We know that we will always be there for each other and will stay through times of difficulty.

13. We confer with each other before making decisions that would involve both of us. We do not volunteer each other and we do not take on more than we can do alone assuming that the other person is going to help. We do ask the other person if we want them to do, help do, or to be involved in something, and we are willing to accept a “No” answer.

14. We do not try to coerce the other person into doing something for us. Instead we ask the other person for what we want. And again, we are willing to accept a “No” answer.

15. We are consistent with each other. We are “even tempered,” and we do not create turmoil or uncomfortable situations for our selves or each other.

16. We are empathetic towards each other. We know that if one of us has a problem the other person is not the cause of the problem, but is a good listener. We do not feel that we have to be the other person’s problem solver.

17. We know to listen to each other. We do not project our own feelings onto the other person, and we are not close minded, judgmental, or critical. We are aware of the other person’s feelings, and we know that the other person cannot think like us, but we try to see things from the other person’s prospective.

18. We are conscious of each other’s feelings. We know that each of us has feelings and we knowingly do not hurt the other person. In developing empathy for each other, we know not to use this known information against each other for our own self-gain.

19. We have the willingness to take time for each other. When we are working on a project and the other person needs our attention, we will stop what we are doing, come to the surface, and take the time to positively respond to the other person. We also understand and respect the passion that the other person feels for what they are doing or involved in while they are doing it.

20. We are attractive to each other. In choosing each other we are attracted to each other physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. We know that we are not perfect and that both of us have faults.

21. We have developed a good physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual connection with each other, such as excellent sexual feelings, a psychic connection, and an emotional need for each other. We are affectionate touching people who know the importance of touching each other both sexually and non-sexually.

22. We have sexual fidelity with each other. We have made a conscious decision to live with each other for the rest of our lives and have disciplined our selves not to look at other people with sexual interest.

23. We have a high regard for the value of each other’s person. This is an admiration for each other, a respect for each other, and a liking for each other. For example, if I were the other person, they would be the kind of person I would be.

24. We know and love ourselves. We spent the time and resources to find out who we are and in doing so, we have made a conscious decision to accept who we are. If there are mental or psychological things about ourselves that we do not like we take the steps necessary to change these things.

25. We know what we want in this life separately and together. We have made positive well thought decisions on what we want to do with our lives.

26. We are physically fit. We understand the importance of proper diet, exercise, sleep, and good health.

27. We are happy with our physical selves. We are beautiful people and do not have to alter any part of our God given bodies to appease our vanity or to make our selves look better in other people’s eyes. Instead we rely on our abilities to convey who we are.

28. We are inwardly motivated, (not outwardly directed). For example, we are not driven by an agenda, by what people might think of us, or by what someone else thinks we should do. Instead we base our decisions in life on what we believe will be best for us and we do not care what most people might think of us when we decide to do it.

29. We are courteous towards each other. We develop good habits together and separately to enable us to get along together in life.

30. We are developing good and proper etiquette to help us with people we meet in our daily lives.

31. We use “I” statements whenever possible. The word “YOU” is offensive when used in a sentence by it’s self. Instead if “YOU” is used in a sentence, it is qualified by an “I” such as “I believe that”. It is, however, OK to use “YOU” in a question. If we need to talk in generalities the word “ONE” or “WE” is used in place of “YOU.”

32. We have decided to live together for the rest of our lives. We give our relationship our best effort and we treat the other person as if they were the last person for us on Earth. This becomes more important as time goes on, because of the investment of time. We treat our lives as if this is the only life that we have.

33. We do not take personally something the other says or does. Unless that person clearly intended to hurt us, we own our negative feelings. If we are confronted with a negative feeling because of what the other person says or does and we do not immediately speak to them, then we become the owner of it. We cannot get angry with that person at a later date.

34. We have made a promise to each other that when we get stuck on a problem in life and we cannot solve it by our selves or with each other, we will seek out help, professional or otherwise.

35. We forgive the other when we have been wronged. We know that each of us is not a perfect being and that sometimes we will hurt the other. We also know that we did not do the hurt with intention to harm the other.

36. We are “relaxed” with our selves and each other. We know that we will be here for each other and we know that no “thing” in life is more important than each other, our children, God, and other people, in that order. We are happy and at peace with our selves as we are with each other.

37. We are best friends who, through our connection with each other, share our selves, what we do, and also our fears. We take the time to get to know each other. We Know that real kinship, fondness, love, and friendship takes time and willingness to form.

38. We are in love with each other. Being in love takes time and the willingness to develop. Working through difficulties, giving, feeling the joy of life, and being freely creative and making things allows us to form adoration and a knowing lasting bond.

S 1985