Enlightened Individualist Lofting the Ball
is deeper than all speech,
Christopher Cranch (1813-1892)
Why Am I So Lofty?
Is it because I delve deeply within my soul looking for the ultimate answers to the ultimate most asked questions? Is it me who attaches a deep profound significance to sitting and breathing in a green lush forest with fingers of sunlight filtering through the trees on a clear 72 degree day?
Am I a quiet individual who loves interactions with another, yet necessitates his anonymity and privacy?
In reality, I aspire for contentment and continuity as well as the seeking and building desired creations of human ingenuity. But, I do not want to be herded into a school of others and then singled out.
It may appear that I harbor feelings of melancholy sadness and grief. Yet, my inner thoughts are of beauty, bounty, creativity, love, serenity, security, and a fervor for life. This is me, a person who thinks of new and old ways of gathering, reasoning, and deducing technical artistic harmonious solutions.
In an attempt to escape the evil operatic destruction of human love cloaked in supposed necessity, I venture into the endless possibilities of my mind. I seek not to be a part of the external insanity, but to be in the light of consciousness. I sit here in solitary bewilderment, questioning why there are so few others who do the same as I. At the same time, I sadly ponder the reasons why so much love is wasted on melodramatically fashioned problems of human fanaticisms.
My frustration and intolerance of others is amplified by their laughter at the welcomed evil that threatens to assail and symbiotically attach it self to their lives. My isolation becomes complete when they criticize and belittle me for not accepting and achieving the equivalent. Yet, the joyful interaction with the God consciousness gives me the needed harmony.
Still, I need at least one understanding human to touch, be touched by and have mutual gratification with. This human must know that I, as a human being, am not going to venture into a group or societal dynamic and be the center of attention, or to be scrutinized, critiqued, judged, criticized, or even praised. This person must also know that I do not require group level approval to accept them since I know I accept them and trust my own judgment. For this person to understand, this must be their way also.
I accept myself as part of the whole or entire conscious goodness. Still, I venture to be with one or two others to exchange affirmations, ideas, and wisdom. For it is best with one, second best with two, little with three, and none with more. Only lecturers, power seekers, and egotists can gain from large impersonal encounters.
I know of the necessity and synergy of gatherings, this I do not dispute. What it is that I seek to avoid is the requirement of conformity within the common yet complicated group. I am me, one who is capable of thought, wonderment, love, and ideas. It is not me to stroke myself with the false narcotic precept of need within this group. For when they leave their momentary captivity within the confines of this gangly gathering, like them, I would still be alone…
I now venture to the woods to sit with you and quietly ponder the nature of this universe that we are momentarily visiting. I know that there is more than I can comprehend, and as such, I live for the discovery of it. I am willing to welcome one or two others to be free to share these experiences. For it is in this consciousness where there is true love, freedom, and happiness.
ES August 20, 1998